The Fifth Column Report

Buried inside of today's news stories, AP reporter Nancy Benac championed the "green" side of our nation's first African American President. Perhaps, "cheerleading" would have been a more appropriate description of the AP reporter's efforts. Since, the AP Gestapo has attacked bloggers around the world for excerpting their work - even when properly attributed, I dare not reprint Benac's natural fertilizer here. Suffice it to say that Ms. Benac summarized some of the "green initiatives" of prior Presidents before waxing (organic of course) the poetic of Obama and Company. She lovingly detailed the eco-green garden that the First Lady planted along with the kids enviornmentally friendly wooden swingset. Not to be outdone, we learn that the POTUS tiptoes around at night (hopefully in animal friendly hemp socks - no, no not the kind you smoke Barack) turning lights off.

Unfortunately, Ms. Benac seemingly fails to provide a more realistic picture of our POTUS' true carbon footprints. According to the website, http://www.carbonfootprint.com/ the POTUS should be applauded for turning out the lights. A single 100 Watt lightbulb burning four hours a day results in the emission of roughly 60 kg of CO2/year ( I have no way of fact checking this data, but let's assume it's true.)

But what of Barack's other not-so-green habits? According to the Chicago Tribune (yes, I chose that paper because it's close to Barack's heart), online "Carbon calculators" vary widely. Nonetheless, we learn that the average American's habits contribute to the emission approximately 22 tons of CO2/year, most of which is related to air travel. That's bad news for Barack, who seemingly loves to fly around in his Carbon spewing, global warming Air Force One (not to mention Marine One or his fancy limousine). According to one online Carbon calculator, a little trip from D.C. to Chicago in Barack's 747-200 series emits some 285,000 kg of CO2. This one flight to Chicago and back seemingly accounts for more CO2 emission than the total emissions attributable to the average American for an entire year! I hope the POTUS brings along a lot of friends so that they share carbon credits and reduce their individual footprint sizes. Barack has a lot of tiptoing to do as this flight would require the equivalent of turning off some nearly 5000 lights a day for a whole year. How's that for being "Carbon neutral?"

On the home front, things aren't a whole lot better. The White House is a gargantuan complex teaming with carbon belching electronics at every turn. At over 55,000 square feet spread over 18 acres, the White House is a veritable air-clogging smokestack. Since, the White House's energy consumption is classified, one can only guess at the amount of Carbon that it emits. Based on conservative estimates, one could calculate that the White House accounts for a low of 366,000 kg of CO2/year from its size alone to an outrageously inflated figure of 100,000 kg of CO2/ day derived from a "purported" energy bill of $25,000/day. Michelle better get busy digging a few more holes in the garden if she wants to do something about all of that Carbon. If we were to take the lowest figure of 366,000 kg of CO2/year, Michelle would have to plant over 20,000 hardwood trees to offset the White House's emissions for one year. That's a whole lot of footprints in a forest! And let's not even broach the fact that hubby loves turning up the thermostat!

Speaking of smokestacks, at least, Barack can feel rest assured that his smoking habit isn't too big of a strain on our planet's health. According to Greenopolis, he would have to smoke some 70-80 cigarettes to generate the equivalent CO2 emission of the average car driving one mile. So. I guess there is some truth to that addage of walking a mile for a Camel, though the average camel produces some 58 kg of methane/yr. which of course is a green house gas too... At least cigarettes are somewhat biodegradeable assuming that Barack smokes the unfiltered types. Then again, the tobacco was probably grown with petroleum based fertilizers that ultimately make our pretty little planet sad.

A note to Ms. Benac: Contrary to your assertions and flag waving, there is nothing "green" at all about the POTUS or the White House. Stop spreading your refuse as journalism and filling the minds of susceptible people with crap. Do the ecologically correct thing and dispose of this garbage.

P.S. I take no responsibility for any of the CO2 figures listed here. They were all derived from readily available calculators on the internet and their veracity is unsubstantiated. Proving once again, that all of this is a load of compost.